Monday, July 16, 2012


So I think everyone is privy to the phenomenon that is 'BOX GAP'.

For anyone who doesn't know what the fuck I am talking about and can only think of some empty cardboard cubes placed together in a spaced out fashion- I am talking about that gap between a girl's inner thigh just below their delicates.

It is something that is now known the world over as being coveted by males and females. Whether or not you have one ladies, it is something that every girl now wants more than the latest Furby or a slice of cheesecake.

I know me and a few of the females I know bring this piece of air through the legs up more than we should lately. It is something that every girls notices on other girls while they are out, at the beach or just perusing some social networking photographs.

Here are some reasons why I think the Box Gap has become a huge deal:

1. Boys can see it as easier access for their massive cocks.

2. It signifies that said girl with BG has legs like a model and an ass like a model, and if you put a cut out of Miranda Kerr's face on the girl then you pretty much are fucking a model. Which makes you a lord.

3. Every girl wants to be thinner than the last.

4. Inner thigh is now the underground version of sweet tits or a nice ass. It is something that isnt so mainstream anymore. Dom and Adrian would be so proud.

5. It comes down to genetics, so if a girl just has no fucking shot of ever having a BG, it makes dudes feel a bit more equal as the gym can not help you if you genetically are destined to have a tiny tiny weiner.

6. Facebook and fapping.

Now dont get me wrong, I am not having a go at the Box Gap or any male/female who admires said gap. I just prefer a different kind of gap, the one that features in ya mouth.

I also want to know the opinion of some male people out there. Does a box gap still count if you can achieve it by standing a certain way? & I dont mean with your legs spread like Clint Eastwood. Please enlighten me.

Someone once said nothing will ever taste as good as box gap feels, you know.

I think I kind of get it, but at the same time I dont. Is it because a sweet BG usually leads to an epic tush? Because then technically it wouldn't be about the gap at all.

You can see I am confused.

All I want to say girls, is that if you do have a killer rack or a sweet ass or even a pretty vagina- don't feel less of a woman that you can't achieve BG. & PLEASE don't start standing like Clint Eastwood.

Until then, rejoice amongst the box gap and take note of how many runners on Ocean View Drive are doing squats. The Box Gap is the new black, and my tits are pretty pissed off.

Saturday, July 14, 2012


1. The game 'Never Ever' can possibly be the biggest cock block when played in the wrong atmosphere. You will find out shit about people that you never knew before like who has taken the red freeway, or who has engaged in a two dudes, one girl threesome. Hilarious, yet dangerous. Kind of like Bill Murray.

2. If you are copping second base off a dude and it feels like he has taken on the mentality of Mike Tyson with your unmentionables. Just tell him what to do, he wants to know and he will be forever grateful for the life lesson.

3. Girls, dont be offended if a boy directs you in the proper way of producing a wristy. How do you think DJ Wristy became so famous down at White Revolver? Because he was giving all those Bondi chicks tips on how to flick it the right way.

4. Sometimes the art of being a gentleman isn't right in the wrong circumstances. Sometimes a girl wants you to be like a big ol comanchero with her in the sack, rather than Luther Vandross. The same rule of thumb applies to men that it does to women- all men want a lady in the parlour and a whore in the bedroom.

5. Start saying 'Big Ol' Dick'. It is hilarious and must be said with a slight drawl.

6. When out in a social setting, no one should bring up anything to do with that room that holds the toilet. Especially in front of chicks, ESPECIALLY in front of chicks you want to bang. Because chances are when you are heaving on top of her, that image will flash into her mind and she will begin to produce a Charlize Theron in 'Monster' performance.

7. There is always at least one heavy breather in Pilates class. It is weird, and sounds like you are in hour 15 of labor.

8. FBi Social is actually one of the best venues I have been to this year. Its free, has epic tunes and no drink lines. Get down there.

9. I sometimes wonder if one day, all the offspring from the Central Coast in 10 years time will all be slightly related.

10. I buy dark red apples so I feel like Snow White.

11. Someone once told me the cutest thing when it comes to girls is how they put on their little make up and dresses and heels to go out. This has stuck with me for many years and always tickles me as Im getting ready to go out.

12. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES wear ripped wedgie denim shorts and a black bikini bra while strolling through Terrigal in July. This did my absolute head in today as I pulled the neck of my jumper and looked forward to a warm mug of milo.

13. Winter is a time for people to go out. There is this stereotype that no one goes out in winter. However, if you are a single male it would be the PRIME time to go out and pull tail. Why you may ask? Well for one its fucking freezing, and lets not pussyfoot about the issue- there's heaps of strange walking around in inappropriate outfits. Use this to your advantage. Take a second coat out to wrap around her cruiser stained shoulders. Suggest how good a spoon would be in this weather. Offer to buy her a pinga to warm her up. The opportunities for scoring some puss are endless. RIGHT NOW is the perfect time to use the brisk breeze to manipulate yourself into some Cotton On panties.

14. Here is a musing from JESSICA MOSS: "Write a post on people who are assholes." Where do I begin. Maybe the old man who screamed at me for being insane at work the other day. & it wasn't insane in a good way.


16. The Titmouse is a bird. Not a mouse. Nor a tit.