OLDER & WISER PART 4.

NICKED THIS PHOTO FROM: GETLOSTINTHE.TUMBLR.COM

1. Men look so amazing with a nice tailored haircut. 

2. Men with gaps in their teeth make me melt.

3. Men who open the door for you and buy you flowers are a wilting breed.

4. you should be able to wear this jacket out in Terrigal and not have the threat of getting bashed. I was going to wear it out there a few weekends ago but my brother advised me against it stating, "Jess, if you wear that out tonight I will have serious concerns for your safety."

5. The F3 should crash and burn much like the truck that did on Monday afternoon and caused me to wait in heavy traffic for some time.

6. When you are actually smart but feel the need to make stupid comments, i feel sorry for you.

7. When it is summer, you wish for winter. When it is winter, you wish for summer.

8. Last night when I couldnt get to sleep I realised how jaded I was when I couldnt picture a field with sheep jumping across it, and could only imagine the new Ricky Gervais podcast that I am planning on listening to today.

9. I have a profound respect for anyone who is checking into ARQ at 9am in the morning.

10. On the Central Coast, sunday drivers are milling about at all hours of the day throughout the week.

11. If your friend/family member/ dog seems sad, you should ask them what is wrong.

12. I still believe that God is a black cat, after taking mushrooms in Thailand.

13. Some jokes never get old.

14. How to make it in the corporate world: KISS SOME ASS.

15. Tickets to Splendour in the Grass are $75 more than last year. FACT.

16. If you do not already know who Karl Pilkington is, then you need to look him up right this minute and listen to anything he has to say. Absolute comedy genius.

17. People froth on a bargain. I went for a casual stroll into Borders at Tuggerah who were having their closing down sale, and all that was left were a couple of sheets of paper and a toothpick. It looked like some paper fiending dinosaur had shredded through there and left nothing but a few scraps and something to clean his teeth with.

18. The Hangover 2 is like the difficult second album. For example, Stacie Orrico. Where is she now? She had so much to look forward to. Probably not chasing every temporary high.

19. READ: 'Everyone loves you when you're dead' by Neil Strauss. Or make that, anything by Neil Strauss. He had a beer with Bruce Springsteen, made Julian Casablancas apologise for being too drunk, made Lady Gaga cry, flew in a helicopter with Madonna and drove Snoop Dogg around while Suge Knight was famously trying to kill him dead. And Im only up to chapter two.

20. Do not go into Priceline at Tuggerah and talk to the girls working there. I got stuck there for 20 minutes listening to some chick talk about how her room mates at Armidale Uni all wear red lipstick but with different outfits and how it looks so totally shit. What the fuck is happening to our youth.

21. Social media sickens me, but I cant live without it. It is seriously the cheap cocaine (also known as crack) that is running through so many people veins as they are out actually socialising one on one with people but then feel the need to stop mid conversation and check their Facebook. At least I can say that is not me (But only because I dont have the internet on my phone)

22. I feel sorry for the makers of MySpace.

23. Who wants to come with me for National Slut walk? Its in Newtown in June and it will be epic.

24. Masterchef has gotten ridiculously dad jokey. There must be a pun writer somewhere backstage sweating over how many puns he can make up to do with cooking rabbit. Yes, last week I did actually hear one of the smug fucking judges yell out, "Thats all folks!" Jesus christ....

25. I hope everyone out there has a crush.

P.S. 25.5. The thing that irritates me and scares me the most at the same time are those birds (usually pigeons or sea gulls) that are having a tiff in the middle of the road and you drive towards them and sorta break and accelerate little by little but you cant see where they are and I always expect to hear some sort of popping noise and an explosion of feathers and then all the birds who were angry at that bird for eating a chip or something, turns on me and it gets all Alfred Hitchcock up in this bitch.